I haven’t been sleeping very good lately. I wonder why.
Probably is because I am a bit tired and I would need a few days off from work (especially knowing that Christmas is approaching, and if you work in retail too, you know what I mean..and let’s face it, staying home with a warm cup of coffee and Netflix is really appealing). Maybe it’s because I haven’t been eating really well lately (let’s just say that I have been indulging too much on unhealthy food for these past few days…. because it’s cold outside and I need to get more energy from food, eheheheh). Or maybe it’s the fact that the year is coming to an end and, as every year, I get to think a lot at what just happened, as I get ready for a new one to start.
It’s alright, life cannot always be cotton candy, daisies and unicorns. We all have bad days every now and then. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining, I have just been feeling a bit weird lately.
I for sure can say that, after many years fighting with myself, I finally found a comfortable spot on this planet. I live in the city I always have been wanting to live in, Berlin. I have a job that I like, a boyfriend that I love and I live my life intentionally, doing things I like and that make me happy. I have noticed that, by choosing to live more minimally, things definitely got better in the way I approach myself to life, in every aspect of it. I am happy of what I am accomplishing with my decisions and actions, as everything is meant to go closer to my values and goals. A part of me though, feels a bit overwhelmed. I can’t explain it really well, and I truly hope that for you, my dear reader, this will somehow make sense.
Overwhelmed because I know that so much is happening just around me. And I can’t seem to make it all. Events, places, people, emotions. Everything seems to be waiting for me, somewhere. And I am not there to embrace them. Sometimes I feel like I could do more, see more, experience more. It’s the nostalgia for things I still haven’t seen or made or that I could see or make. Like a sort of Fernweh (nostalgia for elsewhere), but more in general. I just crave LIFE.
But. Something I have learnt and I am still learning everyday, especially now that I act and think like a minimalist, is that regret is never a good thing. It just destroys all the good positive vibes and intentions, as it shifts the focus of our attention on the “what if I could…?” instead of making us appreciate what we have. The small, simple joys our daily life offers. Like the smell of our favorite meal. A metro ride, watching all different kinds of people jumping in and out of the train, while imagining their lives. A warm drink on the couch while outside is raining. A hug. A fun evening with friends. Planning a weekend together. Pretending to sleep ’till late on a Sunday morning. Music, anytime anywhere. And the list could go on forever.
The point is that being concentrated on what is missing rather than appreciating what I have is not going to motivate me, as I know that, by becoming a part of this mechanism, achieving something won’t bring me any joy if my mind is focused on the what if.
Having a goal is motivating (and I made a video on my Youtube channel a while ago on how to stay motivated already, you can find it here). Putting effort in our actions to reach something that will make us happy is what makes us intentions-oriented and conscious human beings. Is great to have a goal and work for it. But being concentrated only on what we don’t have is not going to motivate us whatsoever. Are you familiar with Arthur Schopenhauer and his thinking? Well, I am obviously not an expert, but his most famous quote says that life is a swing between pain and boredom, with just a few hints of joy and pleasure in between: until a goal is reached, the human being lives in pain. And when the goal is finally reached, boredom comes until the human being finds a new goal to reach. The joy for reaching the goal is a sparkle of happiness, an illusion.
And for sure no life is worth living like this. Being kind to myself and feeling proud even for the smallest successes is the biggest gift I can do to myself.
Thinking of what I haven’t done yet or I could do is stupid, as I’ll waste my time while life falls out of my grip and flies away.
I hope this made sense, dear reader. I wish you all best and a happy weekend.